“Love thy self, Hate Thy Self!"
(The Trouble with Orville Lloyd Douglas)
By Glenn peppers 11-14-13
I read an article the other day that bothered me so much I had to write a piece on it. This Columnist named Orville Lloyd Douglas (who writes for The Guardian.com) wrote this self-hating, yet honest piece about why he does not like being Black! The article itself was very hard to read, as he made some valid yet painful points for self hatred, as far as self hatred goes (I've included the article at the end of this work). Yet I sensed a deeper meaning to his pain. Something was lacking in his core self-esteem values that produced a painfully honest report. One he views as like being a curse of sorts, his being black!
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| The conditioning and the breaking of men |
At first read, I felt such pain in this man's existence! Such self loathing and shame. Mainly brought on by just over 500 years of slave conditioning, and a very deep seated programming of people of color here in the Americas! How horrible is this, for anyone to feel less than just because of the way one looks! Reality is, this is an awful world, filled with awful people. Even though I understand where Orville is coming from. His self hatred is scathing! It seeps from his soul onto paper and a computer screen like a leaky faucet, dripping despair and gut wrenching agony all over the place! I've always felt that there can be beauty in everything, and everybody. I found it odd to finally find a black man, who for the first time in my experience, expressed sheer hatred for his skin color, as well as his culture! As he said in his article in The Guardian, mostly black women have been the only ones to express this kind of self hatred on talk shows, and in magazine articles, etc. Not very many black men (if any) have ever been this brutally honest and frank about their life experience as far as self is concerned in print that I know of. despite my shock and dismay, I have to say, How brave... yet at the same time I have to say... How awfully sad!
This young man apparently has not found beauty within himself. Beauty that would allow him to love himself unconditionally. Why? Possibly his up bringing. His home environment, and his social environment. To further sum it up, basically I feel it is because of the various stigmas, stereotypes, and an on going racial conditioning process; and the constant imagery (i,e, movies, magazines, television, all modes of advertisements, in just about every arena of media ever created) that surrounds us 24/7, that screams european beauty standards are indeed the only criterion for true beauty on planet earth.
Standards set in stone long ago that did not, and apparently still do not allow some black people to feel attractive, unless we somehow meet some sort of assemblance of uniformity, and therefore try to make ourselves appear to look closer to european specifications of beauty. Meaning skin color, facial features, culture, mannerisms and hair appearances, etc. Orville's growing up in Canada may have had a small bit to do with it, I could be wrong though. I know nothing of Canada's black power effect on people Orville's age. In fact, I wonder what Orville's "Say it Loud I'm Black and I'm Proud" moment was in life for him? It seems clear to me that there wasn't one!
See, my growing up in Detroit in the 1960's made it where I grew up in an environment knowing and feeling that I was a beautiful Black Child, surrounded by beautiful black people! The civil rights and black power movement of that time helped instill in me that truth and awareness. Because of my up bringing, I learned to question everything!
I'd ask my parents and other grownups. "Why isn’t there any beautiful black women on TV and in the movies back in 1965, except for Diane Carroll as 'Juila,' and Chelsea Brown on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in, on TV?" I'd ask grownups. "Why isn't there any black James Bond types in the movies, and why is Sidney Poitier (like Samuel L. Jackson now days) in every dang movie that comes out?" There was and still is an imbalance of place and entitlement among everyone on the surface of this planet! I learned young that it is all one sided, and the deck is stacked!
I'd ask my parents and other grownups. "Why isn’t there any beautiful black women on TV and in the movies back in 1965, except for Diane Carroll as 'Juila,' and Chelsea Brown on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-in, on TV?" I'd ask grownups. "Why isn't there any black James Bond types in the movies, and why is Sidney Poitier (like Samuel L. Jackson now days) in every dang movie that comes out?" There was and still is an imbalance of place and entitlement among everyone on the surface of this planet! I learned young that it is all one sided, and the deck is stacked!
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| The Fist Symbol for Black Power and Awarenes |
I felt then as I do now. I am not (nor have I ever been) less than! Nor am I any more unattractive than anyone else living or dead... in any race! Quiet as kept, I'm a terribly good looking man! Yet at one point, the programming almost stuck though, as a child! Basically because of again, Media! Why is that you ask? Well think of it this way. You're a black child in any era. Especially anytime before lets say, the 1980's! You're innocent and wide-eyed! You don't feel black and you don't feel white. You're just a kid, living in a world where all that you see and hear are white images; on every TV channel, in every book, in most all periodicals, even in advertisement and in most all billboard product endorsements.
All that you see everywhere, within your scope of vision are white people having fun, traveling, dressing well, laughing, swinging through the jungle on a vine posing as King of the Jungle! White men always are the hero in films, stories, and folk lore. White folks even make folk heroes out of criminals. Eventually you start to notice that everywhere you look, white people are eating well, going wherever it is they choose to go; and at the same time constantly being portrayed, dare I say... "Beautiful!" At age 10 for me, there were no Black Double Mint Twins! And I wanted to know why! Heck, I thought some sexy black double mint twins would have been just fine!
All that you see everywhere, within your scope of vision are white people having fun, traveling, dressing well, laughing, swinging through the jungle on a vine posing as King of the Jungle! White men always are the hero in films, stories, and folk lore. White folks even make folk heroes out of criminals. Eventually you start to notice that everywhere you look, white people are eating well, going wherever it is they choose to go; and at the same time constantly being portrayed, dare I say... "Beautiful!" At age 10 for me, there were no Black Double Mint Twins! And I wanted to know why! Heck, I thought some sexy black double mint twins would have been just fine!
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| The Double Mint Twins |
This kind of ostracizing and disenfranchising of a people of color causes some people to go into lockdown mode, and/or denial, and even capitulation, resorting to sellout mode. Folks going for bleaching creams, hair straighteners, and relaxers, and stuff like that there! Mostly what it did for me as a kid is it made me ask questions! I could see that this kind of constant programming caused those (including myself at the time) who are different (talented), and those who were insecure to hate themselves. I saw it cause those who simply did not know their self-worth to feel less than! Then comes that great big question you ask yourself when come of age... “Where in this crazy mixed up world do I fit it?”
Thus why as a child I had to look inside myself and see who I really was! Not to brag, but in the process, I found that I am a Wonder-Work! I also found that I am a descendent of kings, thinkers, and beautiful dark handsome african male ancestry (I look like my dad and my uncle. Dang good looking guys). I am an artist, musician, and composer, a writer, who a man who is medically trained, and I am a warrior! And it is all because I am a rich mixture of many cultures the world over... Mainly African culture! This is the very reason why I am who I am!
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| Angela Davis Civil Rights and Black Activist |
Yes, its true, most all of what I am is quite possibly drudged out of much trouble throughout the sands of times here in America, and in Africa. I am certain that I am a descendent of the slave trade that ran through the West Indies, and the eastern most parts of the United States. I am also a descendent of people (both african and of other cultures) who have invented great things. I was told that some of my African ancestors have traveled the earth making great discoveries long before the thief and pirate named Columbus was even a thought! All black folk share a shadowed lineage of strife, and somewhere along the way have had a forging of our souls occur, along our journey through life time and history.
Yet the fact that life and time carries on is due to the reality that our human lives are forged in steel because of a plan much bigger than ourselves, according to one great vast energy source which created all things! It is my prayer that Orville Lloyd Douglas will one day get in touch with self, and look to the creator of all that is and ever will be as a means to greatness.
A knowledge of self, and of The Great Mathematician, God Almighty supersedes the dilemma of all flesh, timezones, and realms unknown. This God is the same God who is Pure Spirit, will one day awaken him, so that Orville would know his sonship, and his kingly place among men! Life goes deeper than the surface matters of skin color. For it is the Spirit that makes us who we are. Inside and out! Just like any of us, this is who and what Orville Lloyd Douglas is made of as well. If he would only look deeper, he'd see it... and then he'd feel it!
By Glenn Peppers
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