My early teen years were my mischievous years at the Michigan State Fair. The following two years subsequent (‘round about 1971-72) I have to admit, me and my friend Kenny, and few other of us were quite the hellions in that we would sneak into the State Fair simply because we could. We’d make fools out of those State Police Troopers on horseback every time. Except for once! This one day, me and my Buddy Kenny were sneaking into the State Fair during the week, when we saw a sight that so captured us, we actually got caught trying to witness it! How did we do it; sneak into the state Fair you ask? Why we’d come in off the railroad tracks from State Fair street, follow the train tracks behind the Pepsi Cola Bottlers plant, and with big brass bells (I’m being nice in my nervy description), we’d simply walk or run across that huge field behind the Grandstand, toward the fairgrounds. Then we’d just walk past the grandstand trailers, leading up to the entrance and exit gates near the horse stables. I mean, who would be dunce enough to just walk right out onto that speedway area like that? Why Me and Kenny of course!

Well this particular day, as we started across that field, a State Trooper on horseback spotted us and gave chase. Now by the time he had discovered us, it was really a bit too late to catch us, but we had to stop and see what was about to happen over at the Grandstand. All I heard on those loud PA system speakers at the raceway part of the grandstand was: “…And he will Blow Himself Up! Yes folks, He’ll blow himself up in that box, using real dynamite!” Now you know I had to see what the heck this was all about. As Kenny and I stopped running long enough to gawk, the trooper rode down us and firmly demanded we leave the grounds immediately! We turned to him (with such baby faces) and admitted that we were wrong and that we would go out and pay for our admission, we just needed to ask him one favor. Never leaving his horse, he looked at us with a look of total perplexity and said, “Com’on, you guys, lets go!” Then I said, “But sir, (I coyly said) this guys is gonna blow himself up. We just gotta see this!” I begged!

Maybe it’s a guy thing but, the Troopers curiosity was sparked as well.  That’s when he looked toward the Grandstand and said; “What? This guys gonna do what?” It was then that I knew I had’em! So I said it again. This time I was laughing. “This guys is really gonna blow himself up in that box!” The Trooper sat back on his horse and tipped his hat up and said, “Ok, now after this, you guys have to leave the grounds and either go home or pay to get in!” Kenny and I put on the angelic kid face real well and agreed to never do such a terrible thing again. So there we all three were, waiting as this stunt man was being readied and set up to actually blow himself into carnival heaven!

What was taking place just yards away from us was this stunt man (name unknown to me even unto this day) dressed in this red white and blue Evil Kenevil jumpsuit, complete with red white and blue helmet and cape. He was being put into a plywood red white and blue box that looked like a coffin taken from a Dracula movie right out of the old Hammer Film studios. Once he was inside, the one assist carefully placed what looked like three sticks of dynamite on either side of him as he lay faced down in this coffin that was immediately nailed shut after the dynamite was placed inside. From each dynamite bundle, a long trip wire or some sort of wick line was let out and connected to a detonation device some 300 ft. away, that looked all the world like he’d stolen it from Warner Bros’. Wile E. Coyote. The only thing missing was the words ACME written on the side of it, and a grinning Road Runner buzzing by us!

The three of us continued standing a good 300 ft. away from the action; and the stunt site itself was far enough away from the stands so that no one would get hurt. With charge lines in hand, the assist made a run for it toward the detonator where he connect two lines to the positive and negative charge poles on the detonator. Then the unseen  announcer started to countdown from 10. When he reached zero, the charge was set off, and the explosion was one I really and truly did not expect! That phrase “The earth moved under my feet” had true meaning that day, for it actually did move the earth under my feet. I almost fell over in fact. The charge was so strong and so loud; and the concussion was so strong, the troopers horse stood up on its hide legs like Trigger, the Lone Rangers horse!

When the smoked cleared, that stunt guy rolls out of the coffin, onto his back where a shower of confetti and charred ambers came powering down, onto his ragged body. His nice neat red white and blue jumpsuit was burned, tattered and fried, and looked like something out of a Three Stooges Bomb explosion gag.  Emergency rescue people and his assistance team ran onto the field to help him up and off the ground. As he walked towards his trailer, he gave the crowd a thumb’s up as if to say, “I’m alright!” It was then that we all three laughed out butts off. Needless to say, Kenny and I walked around to the south gate on

State Fair Street

, paid our fair and never snuck into the fair again.

Ok, I know what you’re thinkin’. Yes Kenny and I were a two man teenage nightmare. Well, not really. We were just kids! We never stole anything, and we weren’t malicious children in anyway. Let’s just say that as fas as boys go, we were just quite curious is all; about everything! Our Curiosity got us into trouble trying to sneak into the Can Can Review Show at the fair just days after the State Trooper incident. Well, at least we didn’t actually sneak into the fair! The Can Can Show feature not far from the Side Show tents was an event meant for men over the age of 18. Yes you heard me right. Can Can! It was a Girlie Show -- at the Michigan State Fair! Now I can only imagine it was not a lewd, despicable display of nudity at a public place. I could imagine it was just some dignified old time strip teasing, whereas you’d barely see anything at all. Just feathers and bubbles! Either way, Kenny and I were going to get us a look see! 

Held under this very closely guarded tent. The signs outside featured Fan Dancer type pictures of the girls or the acts themselves; most looked all the world like clones of Miss Kitty on Gunsmoke. Fascinated, you know we couldn’t pass up at least trying to sneak into this odd little skin circus. Did I say well guarded? Holy Cow, Fort Knox hadn’t seen this much manned security since its inception! And mainly by the grounds keepers and personal protection tough guys hired by the act itself. These brutes all looked as if they’d come up the ranks by bouncing at least a bar or two along the way to work. The worst of those guys was a small wiry fellow who looked like the old actor Red Buttons. He was fast and mean as a beaver with wooden dentures. Kenny and I pulled a David Copperfield Okie Doke on the guards and snook in behind the tent to gather a gander at what was behind door No. 1!

Just as we commando crawled under the stands on the inside of the tent. The Red Button’s guy caught us! This strong little guy yelled at us and dragged our butts out from under the stands and shook this little homemade blackjack billie club in our faces, and admonished us on how bad it is for us to see women in their bloomers or their exclusive lady-ware at our age! Mind you, I didn’t mind the lecture, considering the option. Lil‘ dude looked as if he’d used that worn out billie club on many occasions.  As he walked Kenny and I out of the tent, we got a look at the women standing on stage. They were beautiful, in their own Miss Kitty sort of way. The ladies begged the Red Button’s security guy to let us stay, and even called us cute and blew kisses. The last one on the end of the stage hugged me and said, “Maybe next year sugar!” Once we were far enough away from that tent, Kenny and I laughed our butts off. All the while I was just thankful that old dude didn’t have a good ole southern black jack tanning in mind for Kenny and me.

That same summer; not even a week later, I developed a crush on a sideshow girl. Yes, a side show girl! She was billed as, The Skeleton Girl. Believe me, I do not normally fall for carnival performers, but this woman was one of the most beautifully mystifying women I have ever seen... even to this day! Her skin was Carmel colored like mine, yet she was obviously from somewhere else outside my culture! Her long jet black hair was hypnotizing, as were her huge gentle eyes! She had the same effect on my friend Kenny. To say we were smitten would be grossly understating the matter! We came everyday for a week to see her. Apparently other men felt the same way; each day, there was a sea of men standing about her tent, waiting to buy a ticket to watch the somewhat hokey transformation of this beautiful young woman who can turn herself into a skeleton. Why a skeleton? I couldn’t tell ya! One thing I found out though is that this stunning girl had a very protective mother who (rightfully) hung about her daughter like a hawk protecting its young. No man was gonna spoil her precious baby girl!

This girl was so sweet! She spoke softly and was so polite to everyone. I’d tell her how beautiful she was (as if she’d never heard that line before), and she’d blush. This woman only stayed at this sideshow for that one particular summer. The following summer when the fair opened, I headed up to the fairgrounds to see her. And yes, I did actually paid to get in! When I reached the sideshow where the Skeleton Woman tent was, I discovered that she was gone, and that there was a new Skeleton Girl act. This beautiful woman and her mother were gone. My heart was broken. 

Of course being a young teenager, my heart was broken, but being full of wonder and hormones, that lasted all of ten minutes. That is until I discovered and developed another sideshow crush (what was it with me and these sideshow crushes?). My buddy Kenny and I were walking the sideshow area where all the human oddities were. The Giant Bones of the Giant Creature, The 500 Pound Bearded Fat Lady, The Alligator Woman. I could go on, but I sense that you would rather I not! Well as fate would have it, we discovered a similar act. What act? Why “the Horrifying Ape Woman” of course!

Believe me I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried! It was the same act in essence as the Skeleton Girl thing, except this time the girl was an African American woman who had the ability to turn herself into (as the emcee said) a Horrifying Ape Woman. The act was a scream! This beautiful girl with this Pam Grier afro stood on this four ft. stage-like platform, dressed in this really bad cheetah bikini. The trick was simply this; as the lights dimmed and the music (drums) played, this girl would slowly transform into a gorilla! How hokey was this? Remember those old Lon Chaney movies where he’d turn into the Werewolf on the Full Moon? It was this same effect to the Tee! As African drums played over the loud speakers, the curator (who was a middle aged small black man, dressed in a “way too tight” white tee shit and vest, complete with a lil’ cornbread hat that barely sat up on his head) would talk up the gag.

He announced the act with a feedback laced dynamic Shure mic in hand, sweating as he spoke. “Watch out, she’ll turn into a horrifying ape.”  Then suddenly you’d notice fur starting to appear on her face and then slowly covering her entire body, until she transformed into an ape... or to be exact, a woman in a really bad ape costume. Her announcer would continue talking up the act. “We found her in the wilds of the Jungle. Blah blah!” You get my drift!

Well then he’d up the tension a bit. “Be careful folks, she could get out… Oh there she goes! She opened the cage. She Loose! RUN! RUN! Run out of the tent!” After she changed, The woman would rattle the cage and then growl; and in doing so, the cage door would open. The only thing stopping it from opening all the way was this small chain! Well when she almost busted out of that cage, and everybody ran out, Kenny and I were on the ground cracking up in hysterics! Day after day, we’d come back just to see her, because she was cute, and to laugh at this really corny sideshow! There’s a follow up this portion of the story that includes the girl further in my State Fair story in part three.

(End of Part Two)